I wasn't born with my head up my ass. When I was in kindergarten my head still flapped in the breeze.

But then I met this really cool guy, and he showed me how if you push just right, you can fit your head in your own butthole.

All I had to do was bend over while he kindly gave my head a friendly little push.

Sure the air's kind of stifley in here. And it is kind of sticky. But it's warm. It's pretty cozy in my asshole.

But I've notice something.

Every now and then my back starts to ache, and my head pops out like a sling shot. I take a deep breath and scream--"I'M FREEE!!!"

But then that nice old fellow comes along and kindly shoves my head back in. 

All I have to do is bend over while he kindly gives my head a friendly little push.

But you know? 

I wasn't born with my head up my ass.