ssp0057

#SSP0057 - 21 11 22 - NUT TWISTER

SPACE IN COMEDY - 001

CATALOG

Space Olympics

In 3022 all the greatest athletes from across the universe are invited to take their game into outer space by uniting in the great tradition of Space Olympics. But you need an ID card before entering the contests and you have to take a piss test to qualify, plus the motels suck, the minibar is not free, you only get one meal a day, and some events are cancelled while the rest are pending because all the oxygen has run out because someone who won't be named accidentally hit the self destruct button and now we all have to escape before the aliens arrive.

Potato Chip

At NASA Headquarters, an astronaut applicant steals a potato chip and lies about it to the interviewer. The secretary comes in and the two shame the applicant until he admits his lie and pukes up the potato chip.

Space Shuttle

Up in the privacy of space, a gay black astronaut opens up about his love for the straight white captain. The more the captain protests, the more gay he sounds.

Space Shuttle Landing

A breaking news bulletin that NASA plans to tackle the Space Shuttle's malfunctioning toilet issues as they come up as they come up. The SNL skit is also full of malfunctions that are dealt with as they come up. As they come up.

Space Station Broadcast

In a LIVE Space Station Broadcast to K through 8th graders, an accident freezes NASA's experimental monkeys which float dead in front of the LIVE classroom feed. Then an injured but still alive cat floats in front of the cameras. Then the dead and frozen corpse of Svetlana the Russian Cosmonaut floats outside the window. Using the Space Station's robotic arm, they break her frozen body like a saltine into tiny little pieces. Finally, NASA ends the K through 8th grade livestream broadcast.

Billionaire Star Trek - SNL

Space is for weird white billionaires on ego quests in spaceships shaped like white penises, with bald heads like white penises, who wear hats shaped like white penises, using joysticks that look like black penises. But black men aren't allowed in space.

Spaceship

Compassionate and trusting Luitenant Jericho has been in a secret two year interspecies relationship with the ship's reckless Captain Emily who is a chicken. Her recklessness has brought their ship to ruin, and Jericho is the only one left who trusts her. Emily sacrifices herself by entering the ship's overheating engine compartment which kills her, and the crew eat her golden roasted flesh.

Space Mistakes

Mistakes in space are deadly. So don't make a mistake in space. Not even once. Or you will explode. Like a popped zit.

Chad on Mars

A horrible storm has damaged Elon Musk's colony on Mars. Elon needs just one colonist to be the hero and make the ultimate sacrifice to turn the oxygen back on for the colony, but who will die from radiation in the process. Enter Chad who is about to have a baby with Miley Cyrus but chooses instead to sacrifice himself for the colony, which is cool and all, but it makes his balls sweaty, and then he makes a mistake and his head explodes.

Kitty Cat on the Mars Mission

In the harsh realities of space, the hardened crew has no room for emotions, except for Kirby the ship's scientist, who loves his little kitten cat Fuzz Aldrin, and secretly stowed the cat away in a duffle bag. But the cat did not survive the rigors of space and breaks apart into little pieces in Kirby's hands. ...or did he?

Space, the Infinite Frontier: NASA Flight Director Linda Ham

Already dead sportscaster Harry Caray tells NASA's Flight Director Linda Ham that her name makes him hungry. He asks here out on a date to Mars, which she declines, but one can dream.

Space, The Infinite Fronter: Dr. Kent Wahler

Sportscaster Harry Caray wants to know if Astrophysicist Dr. Kent Wahler would eat the moon if it were made of spare ribs and then talks about his fear of mad cow disease. Next week's guest: already dead Albert Einstein.

Space Thanksgiving

The Klergs from Argus Nine serve the alien food cern on Thanksgiving to the ambassadors from Earth. Cern has kornels (much like corn has kernels) that scream in agony when bitten into. The crew discusses saving the cern from the Klergs, but the Cern is so tasty they just eat it instead.

NASA Shutdown

Two NASA astronauts are performing a spacewalk on the Hubble Telescope. The man is distracted by the Sun's beauty and flirts with the female astronaut. Suddenly space debris hits the telescope causing the astronauts to detach and fly off into space. Back at Houston the only essential employee left is the janitor who cannot help them. Realizing they are about to asphyxiate, the male astronaut suggests to the female that they at least make it erotic.

Mafia Meeting

Two gang members are in debt to the mafia for $20,000 and if they don't pay they will die. Business is disrupted by lounge singer Jonathan Comets whose space pants are so amazing that anyone who looks at them will have their mind blown. The Mafia can't seem to focus on their meeting, especially when Gwen Stefani shows up in space shorts. The once angry mafiosos decide to dance instead.

Jim Carrey Monologue: Outer Space

Jim Carrey thinks his comedy is so "over the top" that most humans won't accept him. Jim wants to be accepted by humans, so he enters the SNL stage pretending to be a spaceman, because that would at least explain his spastic facial contortions and the way he talks out of his ass. But the audience doesn't want to accept Jim Carrey. They just want to be entertained by him. So instead of acting like a spaceman he acts like himself in movies and the audience laughs and applauds and Jim cuts to the commercial saying, "Stick around and watch me sellout big time."

SNL Host Tom Hanks Tells Leslie Jones What Outer Space is Like

Leslie wants Tom to tell her what outer space is really like, but Tom says he doesn't know--he is only an actor. Leslie persist so Tom tells her outer space is cold. Leslie believes Tom.

Every Close Encounter Ever: Part 1

Two alien encounter survivors report life changing positivity from their experience, meanwhile the third survivor reports she was dehumanized, sexually assaulted, and treated like trash by the aliens. The audience laughs at her crass retelling of what happened.

Every Close Encounter Ever: Part 2

Every Laser Cats Ever (Part 1 of 2)

In the future there was a nuclear war. And because of all the radiation, cats developed the ability to shoot lasers from their mouths. Some will use the cats for good, others for evil. Who will win in a world of... Laser Cats!

Every Lser Cats Ever (Part 2 of 2)

Alien Attack Cold Open

Aliens from the planet Zorblatt 9 invade Earth in 2018 while Trump is president. Trump attempts to lead America to safety, but his ego gets in the way and nobody likes him. The aliens take over easily.

Lando's Summit

Lando calls for a summit of all the blacks from across the galaxy and only four black people show up.

Secret Word: Astronaut

The skit starts with a gay joke followed by a poop joke and the secret words are cramp, probe, and wiener.

Where's My Purse?

Captain Wallace's spaceship is about to illegally enter Blurinian territory if she doesn't turn the ship around. But she has lost her purse and First Officer Belton can't get her to focus on the more serious issues at hand.

Rocket Launch

NASA is t-minus 10 seconds from launching the Space Shuttle into space when Lassie the dog finds his way onto the launch pad directly under the rocket boosters so the countdown is cancelled. Lassie leaves and the countdown continues. But then Jessica McClure, the little girl who fell down the well in 1987 walks onto the launch pad and she is joined by Mary Widworth, the little girl who fell down the well in the 1940s, so the launch is cancelled again. They leave but then Hitler gets in the way, and NASA considers continuing the launch and burning him to a crisp but he's carrying the Mona Lisa. So they cancel the launch. Then Dan Quale and Mikhail Gorbachev get in the way and after some deliberation NASA still chooses not to fry them. Then Donald and Ivanka Trump walk up under the rocket boosters. NASA launches the Space Shuttle burning up Donald and Ivanka.

Star Trek: The Last Voyage of the Starship Enterprise

Captian Kirk and his crew are confronted in outer space by a 1968 Crysler Imperial with a tinted windshield and retractable headlights and two lifeforms inside. Captain Kirk is convinced this will be his worsed encounter ever and when the lifeforms enter the Enterprise, they turn out to be an NBC TV executive and , here to cancel Star Trek. The crew attempts to defeat the executive but their phasers are only props. Spock tries his Vulcan neck pinch maneuver but it is only an act. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock do not give up even while their spacship is taken down around them like the movie set that it is. Finally Spock has a nervous breakdown leaving Kirk alone, who enters his Captain's Log, final entry: "We have tried to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before, and except for one television network, we have found intelligence everwhere in the galaxy. Live long and prosper. Promise. Captian James T. Kirk SC 937 0176 CEC."

Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise

The Starship Enterprise has been purchased by Marriott Corporation for use as a revolving seafood restaurant in space. Captain Kirk and crew are now in the people pleasing business and Khan is the evil Health Inspector.

Star Trek Lost Episode

Episode 81: Spock's Secret is a never aired episode from late in season three when the show was desperate for a ratings grab. Spock's brother Spacko is introduced in this episode. He is played by fat, limping, and crude New York actor and night club crooner Sal Delabate, whose 1968 song "Pizza Beach" was a big hit on the dance charts. He has a one liner, "Now that's a star trek!" and sexually harasses Uhura and leads the crew in song and dance.

Star Trek Spinoff

The Enterprise employs two young rich and entitled white kids who are self centered, play the victim all the time, and threaten to walk out the air lock any day now. Finally fed up, the crew of the Enterprise shoots them through the air lock and into space.

Weekend Update: Headlines from 4/11/1981

More really bad news for the Columbia Space Shuttle. Not only has the take off been delayed for over two years but at two o'clock today Lieutenant Strickland of the Canaveral Police issued the shuttle a parking ticket with fines exceeding three million dollars. "We tried to be lenient," the lieutenant said, "but they had been here two years in a six hour zone."