This comic terrifies me.

I am currently in my positive cycle creating and sharing art. I am building on the good, the true, and the beautiful. I feel like I've got this. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe before you know it I'll be back to my negative cycle fishing cockroaches out of my coffee maker again. Or worse yet, getting arrested. It's hard to tell. It's that easy to believe the lies I tell myself and to fall right back into negativity.

I was in my negative cycle less than a month ago. What triggered it was my cat Chloe went on a cat adventure and didn't send any postcards. Instead she left her sister and me behind. Heather did not take it well at all. Nor did I. I did the Craigslist and Facebook Lost and Found thing; Heather went in and out the window meowing down the sidewalk.

A week later Heather and I heard a meow outside the open window. I rushed out the door as Heather rushed out the window. Our eyes met on the sidewalk. Heather looked at me like she finally understood that I was also looking, and that I was also sad. We went back inside and hugged on the couch. We began to build on the foundation of “Woe is me.” I could see the cockroaches putting up “For Rent” signs next to the coffee maker again. Not this time. I had to escape the cycle.

One thing I did differently this time to escape my negative cycle is I paid attention while I was in it. Recently I had realized that constantly returning to my own internal hell was like living with amnesia. It was proof I kept forgetting how bad it was. I thought there must be something good about it since I kept returning so I determined to pay attention and see what it was.

As I paid attention to my negative cycle, I noticed how much of the day the negative voice in my head would berate and bully me and I would sit and listen. This voice was like the morning newscaster reporting about how bad I am. And I believed him.

I also noticed how much of the day I spent talking to my negative voice. We would have debates. I would defend myself and argue with him. I would win and prove to the voice that I was a good person by acting judgmentally toward others. He would win and prove to me I'm a horrible person and I'd go whack off again. We had an arrangement that worked well for both of us.

I was shocked to see that there really was no good reason for returning to my negative cycle ever again. It was all lies. I could only fathom the reason I kept returning is that I was addicted to it. I needed to bully myself. I needed to argue with my inner voice. I needed to feel ashamed and defeated. I was gaining power from it. It was like I was plugged into myself as my own source of power, which is insane, and very draining.

I decided that if all my negative voice was gonna do is lie to me, then I didn't want to engage with it any more. So I didn't. And BAM! Like a pole reversal I was into my positive cycle again. Immediately. My intention is all it took. It was shocking!

And it feels very fragile here. Like I could fall back into negativity at any moment. I know what that is like; my past if full of examples.

Wait. That sounds like false fear. That's a lie too! My past does not dictate even a second of my future. Egads, these negative thoughts are easy to believe!!! Not anymore. I am harvesting the lies in my life and setting them ablaze. This particular lie that my past dictates my future can burn up with the rest! Now I am building on the foundation of the good, the true, and the beautiful which means I am building without a past. Metaphorically. It's quite invigorating really. And what is so interesting is that these bonfires of lies shed light on more lies. I've discovered a feedback loop within the positive cycle I never surfed before. I never knew I could spiral upward!

Practicing positivity and sustaining positivity--all the activities that comes with maintaining a healthy lifestyle—now they all look like adventures to me. So, onward to adventure! And to the next annotation.